I wish I could punch you in the face.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
