You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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