He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
