I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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