Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
