I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
