So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
