He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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