i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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