Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
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no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
