Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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