He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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