Please, let me fuck your mom
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
