dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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