arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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