dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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