A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
