Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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