we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
