You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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