she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
