my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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