just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
