okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
