piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
