I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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