Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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