I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
