you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
ok first of all what the fuck
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
