1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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