I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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