6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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