Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
