Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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