Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
