I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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