Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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