She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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