i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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