I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
