you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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