so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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