Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
