he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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