Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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