She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
