I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
