Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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