I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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