do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
