No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
