his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
