my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
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Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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