i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN