Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
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a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy