So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
