Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
