Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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