You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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