ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
