allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
