If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
