if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
