I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
